Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
