oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
