I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
