i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
