I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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