I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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