Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
