how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
