Redeem this text for a blowjob
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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