The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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