I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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