Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
