I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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