Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sarcasm needs its own font
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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