I love black thongs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
