Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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