do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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