i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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