Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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