2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
