So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
