True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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