pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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