You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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