You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
