mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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