he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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