Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
