Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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