Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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