does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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