I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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