Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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