Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
