he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
