Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
