At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
