So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
