i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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