walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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