some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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