Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
