not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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