4 words: hood of his car
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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