i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
