the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
