apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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