dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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