If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
