i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
