I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
