I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
