Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
