): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
